Being a creature unlike any other is really an attitude, a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe. It's the way you smile (you light up the room), pause in between sentences (you don't babble on out of nervousness), listen (attentively), look (demurely, never stare), breathe (slowly), stand (straight) and walk (briskly, with your shoulders back). When a relationship doesn't work out, you brush away a tear so that it doesn't smudge your makeup and you move on!
Take care of yourself, take a bubble bath and build up your soul with positive slogans like "I am a beautiful woman. I am enough."
You must learn to accept that, as an adult, you can't always rely on a friend to do things with you. Even if you don't meet Mr. Right, going out -- whether it's a restaurant, lecture or party -- is a chance to meet new people and practice The Rules.
1. Trust your instincts & always follow your heart
2. “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution .” ~Mae West
3. If he’s not dating you, he’s not sleeping with you…. (see #4)
4. Unless of course you want to sleep with him.. then do you boo!
5. Being single is not the end of the world: it’s the most liberating time when you can do what you want, answer to no one and fall in love with yourself!
6. Sometimes sex is just sex; break it to him gently
7. We’re independent, pay our own bills, change our tires and still want to be held; vulnerability makes you strong
8. Liking a guy is no excuse to act bat shit crazy… be cool gal!
9. Liquor & true emotion don’t mix… trust me on this one
10. Dating is meant to be fun; not a spectator sport
11. Love is only as complicated as we make it
12. Everything you need to know about him, will reveal itself
13. Girls just wanna have fun is more than a song; it’s a way of life
14. Your Prince Charming does exist; but you don’t have to be Sleeping Beauty waiting for him to rescue you
15. Respect is the minimum, disrespect is where to draw the line
16. Femininity is our gift; use it wisely
17. Sex and the City is a work of fiction, not a guide for life (learned this the hard way)
18. Don’t play hard to get, Be hard to get
19. Waiting for him to make the first move? Ask him out
20. A breakup does not equal breakdown. Can I get an AMEN?!
21. Avoid two things in life: cheap shoes and cheap men
22. Playing small doesn’t pay: Let. Your. Light. Shine. Girl!
23. Match.com doesn’t make you pathetic but sitting home waiting for the one will make you bitter
24. Confidence is Sexy; Independence is even sexier
25. Maybe you’re just not that into HIM
26. Having a date doesn’t Vali-Date you
27. Being a size 0 won’t make him like you and if it does… he’s a dick!
28. A woman will have multiple great loves in her life and each one should make her a better woman
29. No man is perfect and neither are you! Get over yourself!
30. “A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.”~ Cher
31. Paying for dinner and opening doors aren’t reserved for men, they’re reserved for people with manners
32. Don’t make your single girlfriends out to be catty, jealous haters
33. Relationships are hard work; know this and fall in love anyway
34. Speaking your mind won’t scare off the right guy, it will make him fall more
35. If you treat a first date like an interview, it will feel like one
36. You can only control one thing in a relationship: yourself
37. Be who you really are via @loveandtrash
38. Having a career, hobbies and a life are all prerequisites
39. There’s so much excitement in getting to know someone… take your time
40. A smile is the best introduction
41. Live and learn and be thankful you didn’t get Luvs
42. Men who write dating books for women have a special place in hell— Steve Harvey!
43. Don’t settle for less than butterflies— but you already knew that!
44. If he doesn’t support your shoe habit, it’s not true love!
45. Being the best you will ultimately attract the best partner for you
46. Being picky isn’t a crime, being nitpicky is
47. Dating your self is great practice and teaches others how to love you (good one @StylisticTaste)
48. “Maybe some women aren’t meant to
Realize that you may not meet Mr. Right naturally and that you therefore must take social action immediately even if you don't want to.
Get a manicure and go out on another date or to that singles dance -- do something to increase your chances of meeting men
Cupid.com is a UK-based dating site that has lots to offer singles. A basic membership is available for free, which allows you to check out what the dating site has to offer, not only in its services, but members living in your area as well. This will give you a good idea if the dating site will meet your expectations and it only takes about two minutes to sign up.
Overall, Cupid.com is well laid out and easy to use when it comes to creating a profile, searching and communicating with other members. This dating service is designed for you to search for your ideal match. The profiles offer enough information to allow you to make informed decisions on who you would like to potentially date. Cupid doesn't assume to know who your ideal match since they feel the person looking on their site would know best, as opposed to a mathematical matchmaking formula.
If you live in the United Kingdom and are interested in searching for your own match, you should give Cupid.com a chance and see if they have what you are looking for.
Current Promotions
20% off memberships for women (expiration date is unknown)
Positive Features
A popular choice for singles in the United Kingdom
Last activity date (login time) of the member is displayed on their profile
Flash-based video chatting
A 24-hour pass membership is available to test drive the dating site (UK members only)
Negative Features
You must specify your own personality traits; there is no personality test or matching ability
Cupid.com is a very unique dating website. Here you won’t need to answer tones of questions before finding your perfect match on the basis of the ‘scientific’ approach that computer will choose for you according to the answers on your questions. Cupid.com has a different policy. The team of the site believes that the best results in dating experience are achieved during communication, when potential partners are getting to know each other, the more time they spend on learning each other closer, the better are the results. That is why the site offers the latest interactive facilities for you to converse in the comfort of your own home. Cupid.com also suggests communication with local singles to make sure you will meet in real life. You make your own choice on compatibility and not cold machines or other people working for the site. Hundreds of members are looking for their fate today on Cuoid.com and more people are adding their profiles on the site every day, so if you don’t meet your special one today, your chances grow with the next day. The site works for you to make your interaction with other members pleasant, enjoyable and fun! Join Cupid.com and feel a great difference of a new on-line dating experience.
$29.95
"What is OkCupid? It's a totally free matching service. It's also extremely accurate, as long as (a) you're honest, and (b) you know what you want. We don't claim to evaluate you perfectly, but we do claim to find someone who claims to fulfill your claimed requirements, exactly."
"We aim to be the best matching service on every front: superior technology, better math, better psychology. And of course, it's free, unlike all the others."
What an OkCupid Membership Includes
Membership includes access to all of the OkCupid tools, quizzes and matching features after signing up - which takes no more than 30 seconds.
Other than the now-standard dating site fare (emails, instant messaging, photo galleries, journals, and search functions), OkCupid also offers its members a "QuickMatch" feature (instant matching), the ability to see exactly where you and someone else match up (i.e. you both are more literary than most people your age, or one of you is less adventurous), the option to have friends 'tag' your profile with recommendations, a list of similar users to yourself or others, and the ability (after answering a certain number of questions) to create questions for the rest of OkCupid to take and match other users with.
Help Using OkCupid
There are lots of different features on OkCupid to try out, many of which focus on Instant Messaging (or IM). Here are a few excellent tutorials to walk you through the process should you need some extra help learning the in's and out's of the system:
Find Online OkCupid Users To Chat With
How To Send Instant Messages on OkCupid
How To Block Other OkCupid Users
Locate Your OkCupid Chat History
Unique Features of OkCupid
OkCupid has more unique features than any other dating site - free or otherwise - reviewed to date. Just some include:
A complex matching mechanism that allows its members to create quizzes and tests on thousands of different topics;
Matching based not just on dating potential, but also on a 'friend' or 'enemy' basis;
Integration with Facebook so that OkCupid users can place their entire profile, or answers to any of their dating quizzes on their Facebook page;
A "stalker" feature, which lets you see who has looked at your profile recently. The stalker option, unlike most dating sites, can be turned off at OkCupid as well;
There are either NO ads or extremely few ads on the site, unlike most free dating sites which are covered with ads;
The "FlagMod" feature (found under "Fun Stuff") which lets any user look at photos other users have deemed inappropriate and decide whether or not the photo should be removed.
As of July 2011, OkCupid has started beta testing of some additional mobile features, in addition to their current iPhone and Android app offerings (review OkCupid's apps). In addition to their standard features, testing has started for the following location-based features:
Broadcasts: Letting your current best matches know that you're willing and able to go on a date right now, as well as the ability to peruse your best matches' Broadcasts too;
Locals: Shows members the closest, local matches to their geographical area - great for travelers; and
Notifications: An alert will get delivered to your smartphone, if you so desire, to let you know if one of your matches is hanging out close by.
OkCupid Membership Fees
There is no cost whatsoever to use OkCupid, making it a totally free dating site.
The Bottom line
I've personally used OkCupid for several years, and although I haven't met a lot of people through the site, those I have (and the friends I know on it) have been well-matched according to the mechanisms in place. A fun place to hang out creating quizzes and seeing how you rate with others. I've never had a problem finding other users in my area (no matter how small the demographic I've chosen) but it definitely caters to the quirkier among us. Therefore, Ok Cupid is highly recommended for singles looking for someone new and exciting, for those wanting an alternative relationship (like BDSM dating or polyamory), or merely as a fun way to pass time.
BeNaughtyBe Naughty stands out in the crowd. It is one of the casual dating sites that actually has real and naughty people on it. And not only that, it has many active members. Two million people are on Be Naughty every month, and that’s from The USA alone.
You should stop by to see it for yourself. It’s free to join and easy to go around. It is maybe the most casual and straight forward dating site for singles and married personals today.
Click here to join Be Naughty
Be Naughty Review: Online
The heat goes off as soon as you join Be Naughty dating site. You will be picked up by several Be Naughty addicts in minutes. There are thousands of people who are waiting for new members in their area. These play on fresh blood. They hope to increase their chances with someone who just joined. It works for many.
You will find a dozen features that you don’t need. Another dozen that will make your stay on Be Naughty interesting. Finally, join text and video chat rooms for some seriously sexy chat and flirt.
Find “the switch” on Be Naughty
There is an interesting feature on this casual dating site. You can flip the switch and let everyone know you are up for some naughty fun. Is sort of like shouting out that you are horny. You will let people know you are looking for fun – and you want it NOW.
This attracts people who are looking for it as well. You will have potential chat partners in a minute. Choose the best one and go nuts. It’s a very powerful and totally unique feature, you won’t find this elsewhere. Not one that actually works. Continue reading this Be Naughty Review to find out more.
This is what Be Naughty is all about. You get a chance to meet people who love to flirt. And there are always people on it. This site has no “down” periods. And I’m not about people who attempt to flirt and be naughty, there are some serious pros there. You will find that Be Naughty has a large and loyal membership. These people live to be naughty every day. If this is what you are looking for, Be Naughty is a perfect place to join.
Click here to join Be Naughty right away!Be Naughty Review: OfflineI’m sure you see the potential of Be Naughty for online fun. It makes it the perfect place to have an affair online – for those that don’t want to go offline. But it doesn’t stop there. This can be a good place to start. Find some sexy chat buddies and explore your sexuality.
When you are ready you can arrange to meet one or more of these offline. Be Naughty has no limits whatsoever. Once you feel comfortable with someone, and this is very important bit for me personally, you can tell them you are ready to meet them in person. You will know exactly who are you meeting. After a few or many chat sessions, video chats where you can actually “feel” the person, there is no reason to keep it that way – have a real affair offline. If you are up to be naughty in a real world, of course.
Click here to join Be Naughty
The Variety of People on Be Naughty Dating Site
You will find straight personals make the core of Be Naughty membership. Singles to be more precise. But if you are after a specific kind, you will have no problem to find them. There are married people on Be Naughty. These usually stay covert, but many are open about it as soon as you start to chat.
Gay and lesbian personals are just as many. Many bisexual people as well. Couples and people who are looking to share the fun… Again, Be Naughty has it all. From straight singles to all sorts of kinks and fetishes that you might be interested in.
Visit Be Naughty – click here now!
Love and live to Be Naughty
It’s a very addictive place. If you are to pick one affair or casual dating website, Be Naughty covers all your needs. You can learn a lot, find out more about yourself than you ever dreamed is possible. It’s a beautiful and liberating place.
Be Naughty Review – Privacy and safety
I’ve mentioned “the switch” earlier. When you flip it off, you are cooling down, you will not be visible as much. What’s more, you can play with the settings in your profile. It is possible to stay completely hidden whenever you want. Some features you want to turn off when you join. Head over to privacy settings as soon as you create your account on Be Naughty. You can also choose who can contact you. This is a nice way to pre-filter your potential partners. Use it well.
Join Be Naughty here
Price to Be Naughty
Be Naughty comes with a free trial. You can try it for as long as you want. You will be available for premium members. If you want to have access to more features and control over your partners, you can opt in for premium membership on Be Naughty. It will be one of the best investments in your dating life. And it gets even better, Be Naughty costs some 20 dollars a month for premium membership. Does it get any better? I don’t think so.
Be Naughty is suitable for pretty much anyone. Whatever you are looking for, you can find it here. And it’s really fun and busy. There is a variety of members. It has a free trial option. On top of that, they don’t ask for much to be a premium member and have everything unlocked. Not many Be naughty Reviews tell you all this. Most of them will simply lure you to subscribe for free and get disappointed later. I hope you understand that there is no free dating website out there. Not one that is useful anyway. If you are looking for it, you better get on one of the websites where you can actually get a naughty date. This Be Naughty review says that Be Naughty is a premium spot if you are looking for NSA fun – as fast and easy as possible.
Be Naughty Now!
The only thing that might not work for some of you is that Be Naughty accepts new members only from English speaking and a few selected countries. It is currently available in The United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, UK, Ireland, South Africa, France, Italy and Spain. If you are not on this list check out Get It ON Review, a very similar site – available worldwide. Alternatively, find international affair and casual dating websites in the ultimate Affair Websites index.
Be Naughty ausThe main selling points of the Be Naughty Review is is that it an online dating agency with obvious overtones. Meta Reviews have collated this report for the dating service and overall it has achieved a Meta Review Score of:-
Be Naughty Review Review Score:
In this BeNaughty Review we pay attention to the fact that they are something of a rapidly growing dating agency. Their target market is not for those seeking a long term relationship as can be inferred from the name. Not many reviews of this service around but we have featured one mainstream review site.
Be Naughty Reviews Review Centre ScoreSome bold words spoken here consumers have reviewed this service and said it’s a scam which is about as damming as you can get.Be Naughty Review for Review CentreHere are a few quotes from review at Review Centre
BeNaughty.com is the funniest and the most serious dating service on-line. The site provides a vast variety of personals looking for fun, friendship, pen pals, romance and serious relationship and even marriage on-line. The data base of the site comprises men and women of different genres: heterosexual, bisexual, gay, lesbians and even couples. BeNaughty.com contains adult content that is why the site has a requirement to all potential users, who must be 18+ years. Total number of users for today constitutes around 700 000, with women prevailing; however, the number of the users of BeNaughty.com grows day by day, as hundreds of members join the site daily. The site maybe not available in some countries and this is due to the policy of the country only. The potential users are free to choose between free and paid memberships. BeNaughty.com provides last modern communicative and search features. The users of the site can take advantage of member search, advanced member search, sending winks, replying to e-mails, writing e-mails, thus initiating contacts with other members; browsing picture galleries, adding personal multiple pictures in personalized profiles, uploading personal videos, viewing other members’ videos, including those on youtube.com; take advantage of the instant messenger, audio and video chat with other members, plus chat rooms experience; adding members to a Hot List and creating new lists of preferred members, etc. the site ensures you on-line dating experience will remain personal and private. BeNaughty.com guarantees security and confidentiality of your personal data. Friendly and experienced customer service stuff works for your comfort 24/7. On BeNaughty.com you will feel the real freedom of choice. Join the site for free now!
Date Hookup made it to Hitwise's top US dating sites in 2008, ousting many of the long-standing paid dating sites from their positions. And its not difficult to figure out why, considering Date Hookup is free, easy to use, and well populated.
Overview from Date Hookup
"DateHookup.com is a 100% free dating site (you knew that already right?). Why does that matter? Well, besides the obvious benefit of being free for everything, we can have a lot of great features that pay sites don't have. Pay sites are only concerned with one thing, getting you to pay. All we care about is you having a good experience using this site so you can tell your single friends to join!" - From Date Hookup's About Us page.
What a Date Hookup Dating Site Membership Includes
Date Hookup, according to their "About Us" page, tries to keep their website simple, straightforward and without too many bells and whistles to confuse users. With this in mind, the site provides exactly what it attempts to: a place for singles to meet other singles without having to pay a membership fee.
Therefore, all users have access to the same features: blog, customizable profile, forums, send and receive emails, custom search saving and a simple social networking option to 'friend' other users. There is no instant messaging feature on Date Hookup.
Details About Date Hookup
Potential users can peruse the entire Date Hookup site - including the date ideas and forums - without actually signing up for a membership. The profile process is quick and relatively simple, and doesn't have minimum character rules when it comes to the written part of the process - a nice feature when trying to sign up and look around right away, but not-so-hot when you want to learn more about someone that has piqued your interest. Mind you Date Hookup is free, so it doesn't take much to send off a quick email and learn more.
An interesting feature that works surprisingly well is the interests portion of one's profile; when you sign up, you're asked to make a comma-delineated list of the things that you enjoy. Whether you list one item or many, every person that shows up in your search results later will then have your common interests listed below their profile. As well, you can perform searches just to find others with similar interests.
The search feature in general works well, and there are many options to find other users that fit your specific criteria. Just make sure that you change the automatically filled-in details before you search the first time, or else you'll get a huge list of 18-30 year old women within 1000 miles of your own zip code - as I did the first time. Once I'd changed my search, I found well over a hundred eligible men in my geographic area, although I did note that even though I'd asked to be shown men within 100 miles of my area, I received a considerable number that were 100-150 miles away in my search results.
Date Hookup Membership Costs
There are no fees to join or maintain a membership at Date Hookup.
The Bottom Line
I recommend Date Hookup to anyone looking to add a free dating site to their arsenal. Its features are easy to use and the site well-populated with users. The only downfalls are that there is no way to determine what kind of relationship anyone else on the site is looking for (unless they've chosen to post it in their profile), and there is no instant messaging system to chat with someone anonymously should they be online at the same time as you. A solid choice.
DateHookup.com is a 100% free online dating site that was launched in early 2002. Most of the site’s members live in the United States and are primarily young adults and college students. Member profiles at Date Hookup have about 20 different attributes, with one of them being "I Party," which allows you to specify how often you party (from “Don't Say” to “Every Night”). One common profile attribute that is missing is the option to specify what type of relationship you are looking for. If you take the site name at face value you can assume most people on this site are here to "hook up" and are not looking for anything long-term. This is also probably why they allow up to 24 profile pictures, since most singles looking for a casual relationship are usually more into looks than anything mentioned in the profile. The site also allows many customization options for your profile.
In terms of site traffic, DateHookup is neck and neck with OkCupid at about one million unique visitors per month. This ties them for second place, with Plenty of Fish leading the pack of free dating sites by a wide margin (three times the traffic). If you are looking for a free dating site geared towards singles in their twenties, then this service is definitely one to check out.
Positive Features
A free dating site for young adults who can now spend their money on more important things like beer or the actual date
You can modify your profile page look and feel to create your own unique presence
Member blogs and message forums allow you to express your opinion
Negative Features
Too many ads on the site, which can interfere with your online dating experience
You must join before you can search the dating site, annoying and a cheap way for DateHookup to artificially inflate their membership numbers
Difference between girlfriend and wife?
I was watching a panel of men discuss dating and marriage the other day. One of the men stated that to a lot of men, there is not much difference between a girlfriend and a wife. Obviously, this got my attention because I always believed that men had “limited” loyalty to a girlfriend.
Maybe I am being naive but do some men really think that a girlfriend is equal to a wife? Do you believe that dating boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are comparable to an actual marriage?
What do you think is the difference between a girlfriend and wife or boyfriend or husband?
We like what we hear so far about Dr. Diana Kirschner's new book,
Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. Especially since
the article lists four disastrous dating patterns that women fall into.
Let's play a fun challenge and see if we can come up with four corresponding disastrous dating habits in men:
- The Recluse - It corresponds to the female hermit, but the male doesn't think he'll be better off alone. No, he desperately wants a mate, but is too painfully shy to go talk to anybody. Basically the only chance he gets for a girlfriend is if a female cat burglar breaks into his apartment.
- The Player - The opposite, this is a man with too much confidence, a copy of "The Art of the Pick-Up" in his pocket, and an ego which needs to constantly be fed with fresh women.
- The White Knight - Mr. Nice Guy who always ends up in the friendzone. Need we say more?
- The Unicorn - A roaring bore who can't shut up about how special and unique he is. So much so that he has to examine each woman with a magnifying glass and find her at fault. It's probably for the best anyway.
The 5-Minute Meet: How I met a girl and got her number on a walk
The other day, I met a woman as she was walking her dog and within 5 minutes, I walked away with a huge grin on my face and pumping my fist in the air because I had got her number. Us men will spend lots of money on drinks and dinners at expensive bars and restaurants for the chance to
maybe meet a woman, flirt and get her number.
However, in my experience, this is an inefficient use of time and money. Why meet her in a very high-energy environment where everyone is dressed to the nines and often not in a mood to meet people, when you can go for a walk and meet a real woman, in a real moment as she's walking her dog? That's what this story is all about:
My mood was down in the dumps. I had just finished listening to an audiobook called "
Why Him, Why Her" by Helen Fischer that details four distinct personality types based on biological and evolutionary study and research and how those types of people think, act and even date. I am primarily a Builder who is someone that is traditonal, likes scheduling, is cautious risk-taker respectful of rules and authority, socialable and a good host. As I sat in my car listening, the author described the faults of the Builder and every one of them hit home, like a thunder storm of tough love. It was dramatically elevated my awareness of who I am, who I am most compatible with and the variety of other people out there for me to meet.
In the midst of this epiphony, which I took in with an overbearing amount of self scrutiny, a female friend called and I opened up to her. We shared insights and I liked how she sees self-critique in a totally different from me, with fascination and vivid excitement, so that she can learn how to be a better person.
My mindset shifted and I drove home in anticipation of meeting some old fraternity buddies from my UCLA days at a nearby bar in Culver City. (Yep, I'm a planner, and we like to create and host fun events!)
Post-shower, I felt much better. Even looking in the mirror I saw that I had a nice tan, a pleasing smile and looked good in the outfit I had chosen: a bright green and white checkered shirt with a tan, well-fitted jacket. I had on a pair of brown and black very classy shoes, with dark
Neam jeans and a brown belt. I looked handsome and the optimistic, fun-loving self that I know and love had returned.
Out the door The bar was a 15-minute walk away and I had decided to go by foot so I could drink and not worry about driving back. It was about 7:30pm and while the sun was disappearing there was still a good amount of daylight left. I had heard from a
David Wygant podcast about the power of being a source of fun energy for the world around you. To walk down the street and so "Hi" to everyone so that you bring them a moment of joy and to connect with them for a moment.
Two kids rode by in scooters with their dad behind.
"That looks fun!" I said, "I gotta get a scooter and start hitting the road on it." I high-fived the kid and made small talk with the dad.
A woman walked outside with a huge bag of laundrey. With a grin I said, "That is a HUGE bag of laundry" she smiled, I smiled and I walked on.
A guy with a backpack, probably a student walked by and I gave him a casual "Hey."
A half-block away I saw a woman, with a small golden-brown dog, walking toward me. She was petite, with blonde hair and even from a distance I knew she was cute with her workout outfit and running shoes ensemble, out and about just to give her dog a walk.
My heart raced a bit as I got closer. "Should I say "Hi" to her?" I thought. When we got within talking distance I went straight for the dog, as I am a dog person. In a big, goofy voice I said, "Hello! How are you?" and patted the dogs head. I bended down to give the happy canine more attention. I'd do this for any dog that I run into, but this particular pooch had a leash attached that led to a slender hand and pretty face.
I asked her about the dog, what kind was it? It was not hers, she said, and she was not even a dog person. She was watching the dog for the weekend. The dog barked at me for a moment, but then went up and started sniffing me. He decided I was a friend and then was very affectionate as I scratched his ear.
We chitchatted about living in Culver City and I immediately started talking about the new place I was about to go called City Tavern, which had just opened a few weeks ago in downtown Culver. I playfully said she should come check it out. With a grin she said, "But American Idol is on tonight!" I smiled and we talked about the show, which I don't watch but I am aware of those huge billboards all over town that keep X-ing out people's faces until one of them wins.
With an easy, "it was good meeting you" we parted ways. I walked for 20 seconds and the big thought hit me, "Why didn't I ask her for her number?" Was I afraid that we hadn't bonded enough? Would I really ever "see her around" like I said she would? Most likely not.
For a split second I imagined turning around and walking straight up to her and asking her for her number, so I we could get to know each other more and over a coffee or drink some day. While I didn't run up to her with romantic fervor, I simply turned around and watched. She (actually, I did get her name, but we'll call her Ella) had went over to her car, picked up a big white bottle and started walking back toward me.
"What luck?" I thought. As she came near me I inquired about the bottle, and Ella said it was filled with cat litter as she is a cat person. We took a few steps together before stopping in front of her apartment building. As she got to her door I bluntly said, "Hey, it was good meeting you, would you like to get a coffee or even take that dog for a walk sometime? She smiled.
I asked the dumbest question, "Do you have a phone number?"
Yes, she did.
I beckoned her to come over, and as she did I showed her the picture on my phone: that of a large beautiful golden retriever that has been the dog I grew up and is my favorite animal of all time. I am a dog person, through-and-through. I entered her digits into my phone and as she walked inside I told her I would call her. And then I walked away, awaiting the night out with my friends at the bar.
A block away I had the hugest grin in the world! I was so excited and in complete shock of what had happened, of how I had met a girl and got her phone number as she was walking her dog! People go to bars to meet girls, and I met one on the
walk over. I figured the night had just peaked and, funny enough, it hadn't even officially started.
AftermathAt the bar, I was excited, but my friends hadn't arrived. In fact, they wouldn't make it until 30 minutes later. So, I made friends, tried new beers, and met 6 or 7 awesome, very friendly people. I feel like I put out a good vibe to the world, and the world gave it back. In fact, one incredibly awesome guy bought me a shot of vodka! I was having a ball.
The Lesson
I think I learned that sometimes you just need to clean yourself up and get outside of the house. Put on a good outfit, a nice smile, stretch your legs and go for a walk. Smile and be friendly, and the world will return the favor.
If you had told me when I was a shy nerd in high school that later in life I would have had this moment: meeting a girl and getting her number on a walk, I would have given you a look of completely disbelief. But, years later, I've found my way. I'm now very open to the world around me and make an effort to improve my social skills everyday.
They say Luck is where Preparation meets Opportunity and my years of socializing combined with that one lucky moment, created a great memory. I'm going to followup with Ella, who I barely know, with a phone call in a day or two and if we have a good chat, we might go for a drink. I'm excited, and incredibly optimistic on what the future holds.
So remember,
look good and
go for a walk. Say hi to people and and observe the world. Who knows what cute girl awaits you.
ow to start a conversation with anyone … like Gerard Butler
ere’s an important process of unlearning you must do to date. You have to undo an embedded rule your mother built into your system:
“Don’t talk to strangers.”
To her credit, mom was trying to keep you safe, so you wouldn’t accidentally take candy from an odd pedestrian or annoy people around you. But once you hit your teenage years, college and beyond, there are strangers everywhere, many of which catch your eye from a distance and the first thing on your mind is, “Gee, I’d like to get to know her.”
If you want to expand your community, it requires the courage to chat up people you don’t know. Think of strangers as people you aren’t friends with yet.
People become comfortable with their group of friends because they enjoy the ease of conversing with trusted company. All through high school I had the same group of friends, a collection of intelligent geeks that didn’t venture too far from our core members. But today, I actively engage new people I meet at work, parties, classes, bars, coffee shops or wherever the urge hits me to introduce myself to a stranger. I’ve developed a juicy conversational tactic I call offering the “bait.”
It worked at the gym and even on a movie star.
The Bait Tactic
On a Monday morning, I was at the Ballys gym doing cardio and like every single person who enters a gym, I eye-scanned the crowd of treadmills. Businessmen, stay-at-home moms, teenagers, athletes and more pounded the artificial pavement, absorbed in their own little worlds while their eyes dart to alluring members of the opposite sex. I spotted an attractive woman mindlessly running on a treadmill and so I stationed myself next to her, wondering how I could startup a conversation.
I have a curious, bubbling mind, and it helps me in these situations. I glanced at her treadmill and saw an entire office setup in front of her: blackberry, ipod, water bottle and a script she was diligently reading. (Only in Los Angeles will you find people reading scripts while exercising.)
“You’ve gotta teach me how to multi-task like that.” I said.
She looked at me blankly, before taking out one earbud.
“I said, you’ve gotta teach me how to multi-task like that. As a man, I prefer doing one thing well at a time, like running.” I paused. “But I am talented at doing this.”
I then rubbed my belly and patted my head at the same time. She laughed.
“I gotta read this script today. Ya know, get a lot of things done,” she said.
At this point we’d had a fun little conversation, but if it was going to go somewhere, it was up to me to throw out a one-liner with a subject or two. This is the bait, and if she’s game, she’ll respond well.
“Is this your typical office setup: script, cell and sports? It’s very 2010.”
And from there we chatted about… films, phones and running. It goes to show how simply starting up a conversation can be.
A crowning moment for the “bait” tactic was when I used it to have a genuine conversation with a movie star…King Leonidas himself.
Talking to a King
He's less intimidating in person
After a Saturday afternoon hike in Griffith Park, my friend and I found ourselves at Birds Café, a restaurant that specializes in chicken, on Franklin Avenue, after two local hikers had recommended their food.
As my friend and I sat down in the outdoor patio, she yelped, “That’s him!” I turned to see no more than two feet away was Gerard Butler. Muscled and grizzly with a salt-and-pepper beard, he radiated confidence as he flirted with two women at a nearby table and bellowed in his thick Scottish accent, “Hi, I’m Gerard.”
My friend left the table for a moment, and I noticed Gerard’s friend sitting across from him was holding a small dog. I asked this friend about the dog and soon Gerard chimed. At this point, I came up with a “bait” comment that offered a few easy-to-chat-about subjects.
“My friend and I just came back from hiking through Griffith Park, where there were tons of dogs.”
Hiking, Griffith Park, dogs... I figured something would hook. I knew I was at a disadvantage because I wasn’t a tall, blonde, aspiring actress with flawless skin and sharp blue eyes. I was a dude talking to a celebrity and covered with sweat after two hours of hiking.
“Which trail did you take?” Gerard curiously asked.
“We went up an awesome trail that started at Beachwood Drive, pretty close to here, and went up to the Hollywood sign. It’s got a great view of the city.”
“I’ve always liked hiking through Griffith Park, there are some great trail by my house.” Gerard said. (And by “house” I assume he was referring to a mansion.)
Soon he was recommending a great trail in Temescal Canyon that leads to a skull shaped rock where he likes to meditate.
Me: “You’re into meditation? I’ve been interested in trying different forms of it.”
Gerard: “I think meditation is really about whatever works for each person.”
Me: “Well, if you’re looking for the answers to the “great questions,” why meditate when you can just go over there?” (as I pointed to the Scientology celebrity center across the street)
Gerard laughed.
We chatted until the conversation naturally ended and we went back to entertaining our respective companions.
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Hooking someone in conversation comes down to how creative you can think on the spot. Ask yourself what has happened to you recently that you could throw out in conversation with someone you just met. It has to be a subject you are genuinely enthusiastic about, because your tonality will really hook or sink the conversation.
One of my favorite dating bloggers is
David Wygant, who champions meeting women in a natural way, without pickup lines.
Your future girlfriend could be your friends’ friend’s friend.
i
I had a realization the other day about the moments in my life where I really connected with a woman and we proceeded to date for months or years.
It wasn’t through meeting a stranger at a bar. Nor did it involve getting a waitress’ number at The Yardhouse.
It involved the people I know introducing me to new people, hobbies and events. Through these social connections, I met girls in an environment where they were open to having real conversations, without their defenses up high. In a word, what has helped me establish real connections with women is: Communities.
Community: an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common location.
Communities are your groups of friends, colleagues, alumni, classmates or any social group. Use these communities to experience new activities, and often while doing so, you'll successfully meet amazing women. I advise every man, woman and child to:
Build your community, fill it with valued individuals and then actively engage their communities.
If you do this, your social circle will flourish. Find a balance between spending time with long-time, trusted friends and new, exciting personalities. Try putting them together in groups and see what happens. If anyone asks you to attend an event, say “yes!” and try to go to as many events as possible, especially if the event is a house party, which will cost you little more than a 6-pack to enter a buffet of people with whom you have a halfway-decent connection.
Even when your energy is low, and everything in your body screams to stay home or end the night early, I recommend pushing yourself to try something new. You never know who you’ll meet when you’re with a community of new faces, as I discovered with a group of American friends crashing a graduation party inItaly.
Photo by Eric Horwitz Some of the best communities I’ve ever been in have had attractive European women with a penchant for gelato.
In the winter of 2006, I found myself in an uncomfortable predicament in Padova, Italy. I was in my second semester of studying abroad, and that Wednesday night in the city’s main piazza I had upset Linda, an American girl who had a crush on me. Our Italian friend Federico had invited us to a friend of a friend’s graduation party, and during the long walk to the party I felt ostracized from my American classmates.
The party was in a bland, darkly-lit room in a dormitory complex. As people mingled, I was bored and drifted over to the DJ, who in this case was a skinny, bearded Italian on a laptop. In the middle of our conversation I felt a hand lean on my shoulder. I turned to my right to find a girl with long black hair, olive-skin and a wry smile leaning on me and the DJ.
(translated from Italian to English for your convenience)
Me: “Hello?”
Her: (surprised) “Hi! Oh, I thought you were someone else.”
Me: “Really? I’m Eric, you?”
Her: (impressed by my Hollywood accent speaking her language) “I’m Giulia, Where are you from?”
Me: “I live in LA and am studying in Padova for the next few months.”
Her: “Wow, the city of angels!”
Me: “So whose party is this for?”
Her: (points to DJ) “Him. He just graduated.”
Me: “Congratulations! So how do Italians celebrate graduation?”
I then enlisted Guilia’s help in translating the graduate’s “Papiro,” a document scrawled on a poster board detailing incriminating stories typically cruel and sexual in nature, exaggerated for effect. An Italian graduate reads his papiro out loud to his peers the moment he gets his thesis grade from his professors.Within 5 minutes, his nice suit is off and his friends cover him with toilet paper, shaving cream, diapers, bags, even a raw chicken in a hat, as the helpless grad is forced to share his life on paper to his friends and entire family. Every time he messes up reading, his friends pour Prosecco down his throat as everyone laughs, cheers and takes many black-mail worthy photos.
Photo by Eric Horwitz: An Italian graduate reads her papiro and downs her drink while covered with a maid outfit, shaving cream and much more.
I would love to introduce this tradition to America. Throwing your graduation cap in the air just doesn’t cut it.
As Giulia helped me translate, we coyly got to know each other. I first noticed her energy, that radiance that upbeat people emit. It’s in their walk and their smile, and especially their voice, which bursts with enthusiasm. She had intelligent eyes, and I was smitten.
As the party ended she encouraged me to wait for her downstairs before we went out for a drink at “Highlander,” the local Irish pub. I met up with my American friends, and could feel the awkward glare from Linda. Five minutes seemed to take an hour before Giulia met me downstairs, and as we headed out together I gave a rather cruel wave to my group.
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I later discovered that the graduate was Giulia’s ex, and that she had made me wait downstairs so it wouldn’t look like she left the party with a random American she had just met.
Giulia and I hit it off, and dated until my trip ended. To this day, we still stay in touch.
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If I had not mustered the will to go to a party that I had no desire to attend, I would never have met Giulia. I learned from then on to say “yes” to invitations to almost any party, provided I could fit it in my schedule.
Everyone in LA is “busy” and it’s quite unfashionable to have an open schedule. I suggest doing an experiment by saying “yes” to all the invitations that come your way in the next week. Obviously you can’t be at two places at the same time or drop down big bucks on every event, but make a simple effort to respond “yes” to that plethora of facebook events begging for your company. If nothing is happening then create an event. If people enjoy your company and you choose something fun, inexpensive and, most importantly, UNIQUE, chances are people will attend or at least appreciate the invitation.
Let me know what happens, because I'm sure you will have stories to tell. So say “yes” to that alumni dinner or the friend who invited you to a hip-hop class. Stay active in your community of friends, and the community in your city. We are all attached to so many communities: through school, colleagues, friends and our hobbies, so go seek these groups and see what new experiences await.
In the next post I’ll talk about how to create your community, which consists of sub-groups, while not spending much money and bringing in new people.
Inside the driver’s seat at a speed dating event
There was a noticeable buzz in the air, one of excitement and a bit of nervousness, as singles sipped cocktails and mingled at the Avalon Hotel’s poolside patio in anticipation of the speed dating event hosted by “
Speed LA Dating." The company offers high-end speed dating and matchmaking services that are hosted at chic lounges and clubs all over
Los Angeles. A typical speed dating event has the guys move from table to table to meet each girl for a few minutes, however last Thursday’s “Drive ‘N Date” was paired with Chevrolet’s Centennial Anniversary and had a twist: each guy would sit in the back seat of a new GMC, Chevrolet or Cadillac car as the women would join them for a short ride around the Beverly Hills neighborhood.
The cars were as new to me as the experience of speed dating. I had an image of a packed room with singles being herded like sheep from one station to the next as the buzzer counts off exactly 6 minutes per interaction. Instead, Anoush Stevenson, the founder of “Speed LA Dating” and originally from England, wanted to bring her brand of speed dating to Los Angeles with sophistication and style. Events have been held at trendy clubs like STK and Playhouse with gourmet appetizers and no corny nametags.
I met Anoush at the beginning of the event and she spiritedly recounted how she was always the “party person” and wanted to bring some class to the speed dating scene, and since starting the company in 2007 it has flourished with branches in other major U.S. cities.
Her events attract men and women in their 20s and 30s with anywhere from 30-40 people attending each night. The Speed LA Dating event calendar lists 13 events happening in the month of August alone at such hips spots as Xino, District and Eve, and cost $42 to attend. What’s amazing is how 6 of those nights in August, state that WOMEN TICKETS ARE SOLD OUT, according to the website. That’s a draw for any guy who has ever wondered “where all the women?” as his crew bounces from bar to bar on a weekend night.
First Impressions
As I arrived with my friend Kevin to report on and participate at the event, I was impressed by the clean and contemporary feel of the hotel and the cheery nature of the British hosts. The first girl I met was Dana, dressed up in a sleek red dress, who shared that this was her first speed dating experience that she signed up for because of a colleague’s dare.
In the patio, the men were adorned in full suits, while others, myself included, wore collared shirts and jeans. The women looked dolled up as they sported fitted skirts, blouses, dresses and lots of high heels. It all felt elegant but comfortable, like an after-work happy hour, and I was glad that the event was understated.
I interviewed a few guys who were speed dating veterans about what they would talk about during the 6-minute drive. You could probably guess their inquires: What do you do? Where are you from? How long have you lived in LA? All of these are very standard get-to-know-you questions, but without much spark. I was determined to bring some life into the conversation with any girl who stepped into my vehicle.
My Ride
At the valet, I crossed my fingers in hopes of getting a sexy sports car, but soon I was ushered into the middle seat of a GMC 2011 Acadia,
(pic) an SUV that was still nice-looking and, as I would later discover, fortunately more comfortable and spacious than a convertible.
But this was not your average SUV, as it was equipped with lights and video cameras, to record footage of this special event. (All other events ARE NOT video taped, just this one.) Behind the driver and passenger seats were two bright lights next to two small video cameras, which was hardly a “natural” way to meet someone, but I was prepared to go with the flow.
My first date was with a cheery woman who looked a little older than my typical mid-20s dating pool, but proved to be good company for the drive. We talked about the silliness of being videotaped in the backseat of a car during our first encounter, but soon we relaxed and chatted about our passions, which were for me always include cooking and Italy.
Soon we were back in front of the hotel and I was marking my impressions on a score card with selections such as “Fancy a drink sometime” or “Not my cup of tea.”
The next date was with a stylish fashionista who regularly travels to Milan to work with shoe designers. She had come to the event with a few of her friends, and seemed a bit aloof in conversation.
You’re in a Car, What do you talk about?
By the fourth date, I had become more accustomed to my surroundings and employed my usual strategies when I’m at a party where I don’t know many people:
- Befriend those around you
- Be playful and crack jokes
My driver Jason and I quickly became acquainted and I introduced him as my co-pilot to my dates.
Also, when a girl would enter, one of the event hosts would tell her to buckle her seat belt, to which I would add with a mock-serious face, “Please keep all arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”
I’d then ask her if she’d like a “tour” of the car.
“My architect and I are planning to do some remodeling,” I said with a smile, “but here’s the general game plan.” Pointing to the front seat, “This is where the lounge will be, as it offers great views of the city.” I explained that the middle seats, where the two of us were talking, was the living area, best for greeting guests and getting the party started.
In the back seats, “We’re going to install a kitchen because I love to cook, and in the corner we’re thinking of adding a jacuzzi.” By now, a date would be smiling or laughing, and as I gestured to the roof I mentioned how I wasn’t sure how to decorate a few blank walls with art and wanted her input.
I then got a sense of each woman’s artistic style, as one suggested a neon art installation like from one of her favorite museums while another preferred a simple, patterned wall paper to not takeaway from the rest of the car. I’ve always been a goofball, and I made it a point to enjoy the conversation, regardless of whether or not I was interested in dating the girl.
My secret exposed
I was excited when Dana stepped into my car on the fifth date, but suddenly she pointed at me and said, “You! You’re undercover!” Word had traveled that I was covering the event for a dating blog, and gave off the impression that I was there only for the story and not to seriously experience speed dating, which was not true. I tried to assure her that I was single and interested in going out with anyone I felt a connection with that night. She calmed down and I made a mental note to next time be more discreet… which would mean NOT holding a small notebook and pen in my hand.
By the time we arrived back at the hotel, we had had a great chat with all of those pleasant non-verbal “good-signs” like strong eye contact and leaning in during the conversation. She complimented me by noting that our ride had passed by the fastest so far.
After what was well over an hour of meeting seven women, I was happy when the event ended so I could step out of my SUV and take in some fresh non-air-conditioned air. I turned in my score card and went to meet with my friend to get his perspective.
Kevin gestured to his legs and shouted, my “legs feel numb!” He had been driven in a posh red convertible, the 2011 Chevy Camaro
(pic) which is great to show off to a date when you are both in the front seat, but when you’re in the back seat, the leg room is very limiting. Still, he had a good time and had even asked one girl to go on two rides in a row, having felt that they were connecting and deserved more time together.
Back at the hotel, the crowd was nibbling on desserts and getting the opportunity to spend more time with those they liked. I had the chance to go into the “Confessional Cab” to share my experience for 2 minutes in front of a video camera, to which I was happily rewarded with AMC movie tickets. Later, I re-acquainted myself with a few ladies I had met before. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and I could tell some dates were being setup and numbers exchanged.
As we headed out, Kevin, an entrepreneur with a business-like mind, noted that he would definitely do Speed LA Dating again, because it was unique, fun and…though this may sound unromantic… “efficient.” He liked how he got to meet a lot of women who were all single and interested in mingling, which is a better use of one’s time than talking to girl after girl to get a date at a bar.
A few attendees voiced small complaints about being stuck in a car for too long or not being able to meet enough men, as they preferred the "car-free" dating events. I later noticed a group of girls huddling around their phones and discussing their plans to sign-up for the next event at the “W” Hotel later that month.
I walked away with a pleasant experience, a phone number in hand and the reassuring thought that if you’re single, there are a lot of great opportunities to meet women, and to see if speed dating is for you, I suggest you test drive it yourself.
